Recently, I officiated a wedding for two exceptional individuals. My goal for every wedding ceremony is to meet the couple’s particular needs and share a message that encourages, inspires, and equips them for this new season. As I was preparing their message (usually shared in the middle of the ceremony), I began to consider certain critical aspects necessary for any godly marriage. While many could be regarded as essential, I came up with the following five pillars: (1) Commitment, (2) Consistency, (3) Conviction, (4) Communion, and (5) Christ.
Let’s briefly consider each pillar:
(1) Commitment
What does commitment mean? Commitment means to send together. For instance, when we commit to purchasing a house, we make an earnest payment to indicate our intent to purchase. We send our money with our pledge. Biblically, we understand commitment by considering Christ’s words to His disciples about the kind of commitment He requires of them. In Matthew 16:24-27, Jesus told the disciples that they must deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him if they want to be His disciples. In other words, biblical commitment is expressed in actively denying oneself in pursuit of another, i.e., selflessness.
When we combine the meaning of the word with the biblical idea of commitment, we see a pillar of marriage, signifying a complete willingness to set aside preferences for the sake of another.
(2) Consistency
What does consistency mean? Consistency means to stand together. A good illustration is a brick wall. For a wall to be consistent or strong, the bricks must stand together. In other words, a brick wall is consistent if the bricks are laid with integrity. The Bible speaks of consistency similarly in Christ’s instructions to “let your yes be yes and your no be no.” In other words, Christ was not saying that you should not give your word, but that your word, if given, should be kept. The consistent person is dependable. They stand.
Concerning marriage, being consistent means standing together through thick and thin, ups and downs, like a wall that remains throughout the centuries. This leads to our third pillar.
(3) Conviction
When we think of conviction, we usually think of having a strong opinion. This is true in part. Conviction literally means to be overcome entirely or conquered. For example, when someone is convinced that a particular burger joint has the best burger, fries, and experience, they are entirely convinced that it is the best among many options. Their opinion is strong, but having conviction means more than an opinion. It means to be wholly convinced of something. Recently, I was watching a show, and one of the actresses remarked bitterly that she wished she had the kind of belief in something that she saw in someone else, someone willing to sacrifice so much. She observed conviction and wanted it for herself. The Bible speaks of this type of conviction in Psalm 15:4, where David said, regarding one who abides in God’s tent, “…he swears to his own hurt and does not change.” In other words, being so committed and consistent, one has the kind of conviction to remain no matter what.
When it comes to marriage, there are times when the conviction to the covenant made through marriage vows keeps the marriage going despite the difficulties. However, conviction in marriage is not cold and lifeless. Instead, it is full of vitality, which leads to our fourth pillar.
(4) Communion
What does communion mean? The word implies being held together in unity. An easy way to illustrate this is a sports team or an orchestra. When athletes or musicians play in unity, their sum is greater than their parts. The Bible helps us understand this in the opening of the book of Acts in chapter two. Here, we see the early Christians coming together, selling their assets, and unifying their resources to build one another up as a church. It is a picture of unity and fellowship as they pursue Christ’s mission.
In marriage, communion is held together by communication. This type of communion requires intentionality and sacrifice, leading to our final point.
(5) Christ
Many marriages can succeed if they build on the first four pillars: commitment, consistency, conviction, and communion. In fact, if a marriage pursues those things with humility, it can find joy despite difficulty. However, marriage is more than just finding joy or happiness in this life. Indeed, marriage is God’s expression of His love for the Church (Ephesians 5). Thus, marriage is more than just bringing two people together to be comfortable in an uncomfortable world. A biblical marriage is so much more. There is one key pillar that unites all the other pillars and gives purpose to any marriage that echoes beyond the temporal or short life we live.
Christ explains in Matthew 7:24-27 that there are two houses–for our sakes, here, we can think of these as two marriages. One house (marriage) was built on sand, and the other was built on the rock. The integrity of the house was determined by its ability to withstand the storm’s onslaught. One stood, and the other did not. The one that stood was built on the rock. The rock is Christ, and the application is to hear and act on Christ’s words. Any marriage that hopes to express God’s truth now and echo into eternity is the one that has the first four pillars, but also this final pillar: Christ. Only the gospel enables genuine commitment, consistency, conviction, and communion.
In summary, the gospel of Jesus Christ binds commitment, consistency, conviction, and communion together because we have all been unfaithful in some form or fashion. Indeed, our minds have wandered down paths we regret, our words have hurt our spouse at times, and our own selfish ambition has often misguided our communion.
Therefore, we need One who lived these ideals perfectly to give us His strength to at least have a chance to express them in our marriage. We need the gospel of Jesus Christ, available by grace through faith in His finished work, to enable us to pursue the ideals of commitment, consistency, conviction, and communion. We need a new identity in Christ (and to be reminded of this identity) to have any hope!
Praise God for Christ! He gives us hope and binds these pillars together for His glory and our good!
God help us, Amen!