Is it possible to struggle with a sense of worth?
Are there times when we or those we love face seasons where we doubt our value? It could be that a mistake, job loss, unmet expectations, rebellious children, and more led to the questioning of worth. Many factors often contribute to this type of difficulty, so what is a biblical solution?
A Story.
An older gentleman was walking about in the first story of a comfortably decorated house and noticed a young man sitting sad in the corner. All about the young man were people milling about, smiling, and carrying on various and deep conversations.
The older gentlemen approached the young man, intent on understanding his state of apparent incorrigibility. As he neared the young man, almost on top of him, he saw him look up, and meeting eyes, the older man smiled at him. No response from the young man came.
And so, the older gentleman asked, “Why are you here alone while others enjoy fellowship?”
The young man smugly replied, “I am of no value. I am of no worth.”
“No value? No worth?” the older gentleman questioned.
Yes, “No value. No worth,” he replied.
“How have you reached this conclusion?” asked the older man.
“I lost my job two months ago; my wife continues to snark at my inability to pay for various entertainments; my children won’t listen to me but talk over me as though I’m invisible,” he answered. The young man continued, “Despite all of that, I feel terrible for not being able to stand up to them. I feel guilty for my lack of confidence, and when I’m with people, I think they all are thinking about me and how uncomfortable I am. It’s a mess, really. It’s really a mess.”
The old man shifted his position, sat beside the young man, and said, “I see. So, help me understand more fully: Do you feel like those outside of you are not meeting your expectations, and you are having a hard time balancing feelings of worth, leading to insecurity and overanalyzing many of your encounters with others? Having those two things working against you, you felt it easier to sit down here and be sad? Is that a correct assessment, or am I missing something?”
“Partially correct,” he replied. “In reality, those people I mentioned and my lost job are essential to my happiness. In fact, my wife and kids are everything to me. I don’t know how I could live without them being happy. What’s more, my previous job was the one I had wanted since I was young. It was a moment I had been waiting for and looking forward to for as long as I could remember. We had talked about taking over the family business, and now I was on the path–or so I thought–to expanding the company. I didn’t realize I could be fired for incompetence and lack of financial skills. Or, at least, that’s how I took it when they moved me from CEO to VP of sales. My sister taking over the reins was just the last straw. And now, here I cannot engage in meaningful conversation because I feel so worthless and unhappy.”
“Thank you for sharing. Let me ask you something: “Are you a Christian?”
“Yes. Well, I go to church when we’re in town and try to live a good life.”
“I see. What are you forgetting, then?” said the older man.
“What do you mean? What am I forgetting?” the young man replied.
“Well, what defines the worth of a Christian? Is your value based on what others say of you? Is your value based on your actions or feelings about yourself?
“I’m not sure,” replied the young man.
Seeing an opportunity to share more about Christianity, the older man spent time explaining more fully the essence of what it means to be a Christian. After their visit, the younger man seemed to understand, and his countenance began to change.
“Can we walk upstairs? There’s something I’d like for you to see,” said the old man.
“Sure,” the young man replied.
The two men rose from their seats and proceeded to the bottom of the stairwell. As they approached, the young man looked at the older gentleman and asked, “Where are we going?” The old man replied, “I want you to learn something about yourself that I don’t think you’ll soon forget. When we get to the top of the stairs, we will be greeted by someone who will ask you two questions about your Christian faith. Answer honestly and sincerely.” “Ok.” said the young man. And they proceeded upstairs.
As they drew closer to the top, they both saw a door. A man stood at the door, stopped them, and asked two questions. “Are you a Christian? How so?” The older man looked at the young man, awaiting his response.
The young man looked at the door and then at the other gentleman, asking the questions, and said, “I am a Christian. I am a Christian only on the merits and basis of the finished work of Christ. I have believed by God’s grace that Jesus Christ came from God as my Savior; He suffered and died for my sins, rose from the dead, and will return to rule and reign forever.”
“Enter,” said the man.
Walking through the door, he felt an overcoat being carefully placed on his shoulders. At first, he wasn’t sure why, but as he walked further into the room, he knew instantly what was happening. He felt a smile. A long and heavy smile. The kind you felt when you were a kid realizing that tomorrow is your birthday. That’s the only way the young man could describe it. He sensed love and belonging as he walked through the room. There was an atmosphere of understanding, care, and grace. He felt at home under that smile that seemed never to lift. While he couldn’t see the smile, something told him it was there, somewhere beyond the walls of that room.
After a few moments, the young man realized he could hear and interact with the people downstairs again. The two floors had mysteriously come back together, but he was different. He knew that his Christian faith was merely external, bound up in tradition or doing good. But, after lengthy talks with the older gentleman, whom he could no longer find, he understood the depths of Christ’s sacrifice and love.
Whereas before, Christ was a good example to him. Really, it’s just a good person to try your best to follow. Now, Christ was his Savior. He had found Him to be the answer to his greatest longings and desires, giving him happiness beyond his previous idea of happiness.
Life didn’t get easier, but it got simpler for the young man. While it wasn’t complicated, it certainly did present many complexities. Nevertheless, understanding his worth, he entered each new day and circumstance with his cloak on. Though still there, his wife, children, job, and inner thoughts were rightly ordered in his life.
That day, he walked upstairs and into a smile he never forgot. Though tough times have caused him to feel like the smile is far away, he still knows it is always to remain. He belongs to Someone. And that Someone never loses His love.
A new man. An understood worth. Infinite value at infinite cost.
The Story Explained:
- Variables in the story:
- External validator(s) (outside of a person: people, positions, and possessions that tell us of our worth).
- Internal validator (inside a person: feelings, emotions, etc.)
- A house with two stories (coined by Francis Schaeffer)
- First story: The physical sphere.
- Second story: The spiritual sphere.
- The older man: an evangelist.
- The younger man: a good person whose identity and worth were tied to his actions and feelings.
- Interpretation:
- The evangelist shares the gospel with a young man who is a so-called “good person.” However, the young man is depressed because his life and worth in his life are not going as planned. Therefore, because he had based his worth on the outcome of his life, he felt like a failure when things went south, his expectations weren’t met, and he was unhappy.
- When he went upstairs to the spiritual realm, he declared his faith and received Christ’s righteousness, which was signified by the cloak.
- Only then was the young man able to understand and experience the pleasure of the Father–the loving smile.
- The moral of the story:
- God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, as the substitutionary sacrifice for the world’s sins.
- Jesus Christ received the curse of God so that He could give the blessing of God (regenerated, justified, converted, sanctified, on the journey to being conformed to the image of Christ, and more).
- Therefore, by grace through faith, those who believe that Jesus did die on the cross for their sins and receive this gift, confessing it as a declaration of belief, are given the righteousness of God and…infinite worth!
- Final point in a nutshell:
- A Christian’s worth is of infinite value because it came at the infinite cost of God’s Son.
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
Galatians 2:20
— February 7, 2024