“Men fight in masses. To be brave they must be inspired by the feeling of fellowship. Shoulder must touch shoulder. As gaps are opened the men close together, and remain formidable.”
-William Thompson Lusk, 79th New York
Three years ago this month, Gaylon Richter snapped this photo of him and me near the top of Cemetery Hill at the Gettysburg battle site. Gaylon’s leadership was why he, myself, and two others attended a leadership conference there that week. As I reflect on our years of friendship, I remember his encouraging words, insightful lessons, and, most importantly, his life of relational intentionality. Indeed, Gaylon Richter expressed the quintessence of formidability via being shoulder-to-shoulder. Sadly, at a mere 55 years, he passed from this life to the next on March 29, 2022, but his legacy remains. Gaylon impressed upon me many things, but three embody his shoulder-to-shoulder employment:
- Encouragement over comparison.
- Challenge over evasion.
- Care over commodification.
Encouragement Over Comparison
Is it not easy to compare yourself to others in a world shaped by Wikipedia, ChatGPT, and more? From the likes on social apps to the long pauses in front of reflective windows, we can find ourselves going out of our way to enhance our status, positions, and perceptions compared to others. Not that proper grooming, adjusting, and ordering ourselves is in and of itself harmful. Instead, when the motivation shifts to finding ultimate joy in being “better” compared to others (or even a self-created standard), we weaken our ability to influence others.
Instead of comparison, Gaylon encouraged. After his passing, I compiled the texts, emails, and images he shared with me over the years and gave them as gifts to his wife, Paige, and family. The quote above was the first text I could find on my phone that he sent me. Over nearly ten years, he shared around 30,000 words, including edifying stories, encouragement, biblical lessons, and more. Gaylon was an encourager, not a comparer, and as a result, I have been shaped as an encourager.
Challenge Over Evasion
Conflict is hard, and as a result, it is often avoided. To be sure, there are times when conflict should be delayed or even rethought, appropriated, and possibly even avoided. However, the problem with avoiding challenging conversations (that may be perceived as conflict) is that the person who needs it most doesn’t receive its benefit.
Gaylon was not afraid to speak the truth in love. I witnessed this in action on more than one occasion. Moreover, I observed him be the first to own a mistake, take responsibility for his actions, and restore relationships compromised by sin. Gaylon did not evade difficult circumstances, and as a result, I am more confident facing challenging moments.
Care Over Commodification
Thanks to Amazon and the like, much of our goods are replaceable or even disposable. Ordering online and even having groceries delivered to our doorstep has shaped our perspectives of getting what we want just about when we want it. While this has benefited us in many ways, enabling possible focus on other priorities, it has also presented discord to be overcome. For instance, when a relationship is not restored as fast as we hoped or has taken a turn for the worse, is it not easy to move on or past that person or group? What’s more, can we build relationships with others in hopes of a potential benefit from the relationship? Relationships can quickly become commodified or frigidly disposable if we’re not careful.
On the other hand, when someone cares for you genuinely, without strings attached, it is profoundly moving. Gaylon cared for people like me and many others. His care for us resulted in us being taught to care well for others.
Conclusion
Formidability is fashioned in the fires of life relationships meted out shoulder-to-shoulder. It is a sort of love captured by C.S. Lewis in his The Four Loves. Lewis calls this type of relationship or love Friendship. Lewis describes Friendship as “side by side,” not “face to face.” He explains, “You will not find the warrior, the poet, the philosopher, or the Christian by staring in his eyes…better fight beside him, read with him, argue with him, pray with him” (Four Loves, p. 91). In other words…
“Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:17
— April 3, 2024