We’re continuing our series examining 7 Questions Every High School Graduate Needs Answered. At the heart of this next question is a focus on fear…
“What if I fail?”
This is a question that left unanswered has the potential to prevent many a young adult from trying new things, learning from mistakes, and finding victory over one thing that is part of being a human–fear.
In April 2003, I had the opportunity to compete in a sprint triathlon. It was a beach swim-start, which meant that the competitors had to line up on the beach, and then run into the water after the sound of the starting signal. What I didn’t know–being that this was my first triathlon–was that placing myself in the middle and front of the pack put me with the best swimmers on the field. Well, I wasn’t the best swimmer–by far. What happened next was nearly disastrous, but humorous now. I hit the water (should have warmed up), and my breath was immediately taken away from me from what felt like freezing water (I was kicking myself for not renting a wetsuit like everyone else–too cheap!), and I was getting run over by the better swimmers. I began to panic. I started hyperventilating. Getting a breath was more challenging by the second, and I began to irrationally think I was going to drown. Oxygen deficit was high, and my heart rate was through the roof. I tried to get close to a jet ski (race attendant) in order to catch my breath by hanging on to its side, but all I could smell was the smoke from their exhaust and fell away. I nearly gave up. But, a thought hit me. I’ll roll over and backstroke. It worked. I finally regained my composure, but promised myself that after finishing this silly race I would never do a triathlon again. Dashed were my hopes of ever competing in an Ironman.
Fear. Fear motivated that hasty promise to myself. In that moment, instead of learning from my novice mistakes and getting better, I chose to avoid the experience altogether because of fear. I simply didn’t want to face that panic feeling and hyperventilating again. It’s sad when I think about it.
Fortunately, as time went on–and I got better at swimming–the fear began to fade, and I said I’ll do another sprint triathlon to see if I can conquer that fear of open-water swimming. I signed up for another sprint tri, and I performed much better than expected. Fear conquered. Dream of the Ironman renewed.
Fast forward to May 2012. I competed in the Ironman race in the Woodlands, TX. It took me a couple more triathlons and a marathon to build up for the rigors of the race, but I competed and finished. Goal accomplished. Dream realized. This, because fear was conquered. I failed in my first triathlon, but pressed on through little by little until 9 years later I tasted the sweet satisfaction of hearing the announcer say, “Drew Anderson…You…Are…An…Ironman.” Words can’t describe that feeling, and I almost lived my whole life without ever hearing them spoken–all because of fear…all because of one early failure.
I wonder how many young adults–recent graduates from high school–are letting fear conquer their lives? I wonder how many are not letting mistakes be teachers, but instead barriers? I wonder how many are letting comfort trump courage? There’s a better way! Fear can and should be conquered.
What’s the way forward?
There is a quote from Teddy Roosevelt’s “Citizen in a Republic” speech that is as relevant today as it was when he spoke it nearly 110 years ago.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Citizenship in a Republic (1910) by Theodore Roosevelt
Our desire is that we are that man or woman that enters the arena, and so are those who are in our care. Thus, we must be parents, mentors, disciple-makers who:
- Provide a safe place to fail…
- Most of us would say we learned through failure, but often we find ourselves preventing those in our care from failing (and therefore learning). The examples on this point are endless, and we know when we’re doing it.
- One point, we have to change our “perfection” standard to a “grace” standard. Perfection standards produce rebels and legalistic hypocrites, but grace standards produce authentic and confessing Christians. The difference is knowing Whom to run to. Perfection runs to self. Grace runs to Christ.
- Teach through failure…
- Failure isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. Failure provides the fertile soil for learning. Don’t miss this incredible opportunity. When failure occurs, discerningly ask questions like, “What did you learn?” “What would you do next time?” “What steps led to this or that?” “Will you let this keep you from trying again?” And on…and on.
- When the soil of learning is cultivated with failure it produces men and women like the Apostle Paul and Elizabeth Elliot.
- Get at the heart: fear…
- The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. You have to replace fear with fear. Ed Welch in his book, When People Are Big and God is Small, tells a story about overcoming fear. He says that someone who has a fear of swimming will certainly jump into a lake if his son happened to be drowning. His fear of losing his child overcomes his fear of swimming. This principle must be applied to everyday life. Here’s how: when we fear God (daily recognition that He is the Supreme Creator and Providential Guide), all other fears are put in their proper place and we find victory. We don’t have to fear people when we know that God is the Supreme Creator, because we know He created them with the same dignity that He created us. We don’t have to fear failure, because we know God is the Providential Guide using all things for good in order to conform us to His Image. Consider also Isaiah 6…we walk in the fear of the Lord…in wisdom!
May those under our care, mentorship, and discipleship grow into the men and women of tomorrow who face fear with courage simply because they say to the question, “What if I fail?”, “It’s ok, because I’ll have something to teach me next time I try!” Amen and Amen.
— January 24, 2020