“…what I realized was that the more dents, the more scratches, and as the shine took on a dull appearance, the more beautiful it became…”
A perfect wedding…
A perfect ceremony…
A perfect marriage…
Is it true that perfection is the absence of defect? The dictionary says so. And one must agree that as it pertains to God this not only is the case, it must be the case. But what about marriage? Perhaps one doesn’t always use the adjective “perfect” to describe one’s marriage, but does one expect it? Is this even the proper or fitting descriptor or expectation for marriage? If it’s not, then why is the word used so often in the marriage context?
Let’s take a journey down memory lane… Can you remember your wedding day or wedding night? Of course you do! But, can you remember wanting it to be perfect? In other words, do you recall the way you wanted the flowers, the candles, the dresses, the tuxedos, the wedding night, the honeymoon, the [______] to go or to be?
Of course, we remember wanting things to be a certain way…perhaps we even inserted the adjective “perfect” to describe our desires. But, what about when they didn’t turn out the way you wanted…how did you feel? How did you respond?
Let’s consider this further by taking a look at our wedding rings. Do you remember their condition when you first placed them on each other’s fingers? I do. Do you recall the shine, the glow? What about their absence of scratches and dings? I remember. Don’t you?
What has happened to those rings since that day? Are they as shiny? Probably not. Do they have marks on them? Probably. But, would you consider them less than lovely? Would you want to get a new ring every time you dinged or nicked or scratched them? Of course not!
Would you not even say that your wedding rings have become more beautiful since you first exchanged them with your spouse? They have developed character, and as a result they have become beautiful.
Marriages often begin by utilizing the adjective “perfect” to define its desires and expectations. However, with the many complexities in marriage it makes maintaining this state of perfection so hard. And the reality is, perfection is simply unattainable. What one has to realize is that one’s expectations have been misplaced from the start of the wedding planning, to the wedding day, to the wedding night, and that they are thus often carried mistakably into marriage.
Like our wedding rings, what began as a shiny, exciting, and glowing union later experienced (and experiences) dings, scratches, and nicks. We look at our wedding rings, and we say, “they’re unique now with their imperfections–they have character,” but then we look at our spouse and we say, “be perfect…meet my daily expectations…” One may not say it this way exactly, but doesn’t one often think it or feel it?
What if we began to thank God for the difficulties in marriage, and trust Him to be using them to shape us into a beautiful (not perfect) picture of His grace, His patience, His kindness, His mercy, His forgiveness, His…love. What if we stopped expecting a perfect marriage, and asked for a beautiful marriage? A marriage that, while having dents and dings, emits a glow of grace–while having scratches and nicks, pours forth a fragrance of sacrifice and love…
May it begin and continue in our homes today!
Mark 10:6-9
“But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
— August 6, 2015