Of the many things my dad gave me growing up there is one thing that stood out. He believed in me. There was never a time that I remember my dad belittling me or berating me for not “measuring up” to some arbitrary standard of perfection. Looking back, I realize that was truly a tremendous blessing for many reasons.
First, there are some children who grow into adults that never had someone believe in them. This is usually a challenge to get over, as this person has to overcome the temptation to find affirmation in places that may be easy to attain, but cheap notwithstanding. Secondly, and most frustrating, there are some kids who grow into adulthood trying to forget the times their father or someone else shamed them for not “doing” or “being” what that person had in mind.
To be sure, there is a standard that must be kept, and there is certainly an expectation that must be maintained. What I’m referencing is not discipline or a standard by which a loving parent holds their children to, but rather an atmosphere created by a parent that is absent of encouragement and belief in a child, as well as a barrage of negative remarks and reminders of not “measuring up” to an unreachable or arbitrary idea of perfection.
Enter discipleship.
Discipleship–as we looked at earlier–begins first with the aim of Christlikeness. This article seeks to address the next point in discipleship, and that’s perspective. That is to say, the perspective of discipleship is a lot like running in a race with your disciple.
Let me explain, when you run–figuratively speaking–with your disciple you are:
- Shoulder-to-shoulder
- Experiencing the same race conditions and circumstances…you both feel the pain and sweat of life.
- Close enough to speak life, direction, and encouragement…your words aren’t from a microphone, but a steady casual conversation.
- Looking from behind
- These two pictures in this article are taken from my iPhone as these students (Year 1 and Year 2) approached their 10K finish lines. These two guys were first in their respective GAP classes. When we ran this race the past two years, I picked the front-runner both years. Doing so allowed me to coach and encourage them to finish what they started with poise, strength, and grit. As we approached the finish line, I didn’t race them, but instead dropped back and let them sprint to the finish. In other words, as their discipler, my role wasn’t to beat or compete against them, but to help them become the best version of God’s design for them. In this 10K that meant to not let them give up, and to guide them to finishing well–having laid it all down on the field. They both did well!
- The reality is, as a discipler, I have to know from what perspective am I to lead my disciple. In other words, there are times to lead out front, times to lead beside, and times to lead from behind.
- Thus, when I lead from behind, I’m not giving up vision for what’s ahead. Instead I’m giving them the chance to see clearly with my presence ever present.
- Seeing the process from start to the finish
- It’s easy to start the process of discipleship, but hard to finish. Most often what happens in so-called discipleship is the relationship ends with just not communicating anymore. That’s not discipleship. That’s mentorship-type relationships at best.
- In discipleship, there needs to be a start and a finish. There has to be “clear” expectations. Thus, there has to be rewards when those expectations are met.
- Discipleship needs gravitas…it needs weight, and we do this by being in the race from start to finish.
Thus, to have this shoulder-to-shoulder perspective of discipleship you CANNOT:
- Value quantity over quality
- Your disciple(s) may be small in number, but that doesn’t have to mean small in impact.
- Stay in separate spheres from your disciple
- Your disciple has to see you live life and you have to see him live life as well.
- Pick just any volunteer to disciple
- Your disciple has to be hungry. You cannot force feed or pull them through discipleship. You pick them after they first picked you. Practically, this can be done through an application process, a written commitment of some sorts, or a firm handshake and a clearly delineated path.
When I sat down for a casual conversation with one of the year 1 GAP students, I began to share a family vision for him. It wasn’t much, just a little story of what might be for him in his future. It went something like this, “…I want you to imagine one day praying over your children after you put them to bed. I want you to imagine one day praying with your wife and your family…” I looked over, and tears were coming down his cheeks. I asked him why he was emotional. He said, “No one has ever told me this could be for me, nor shared things like this with me.”
What a shame. What an opportunity. These two things exist in tension. Every day…someone out there needs a discipler who sees from a true perspective of discipleship…someone who sees what might be…what could be…if someone would give them the gift of belief…in what God might do in and through their yielded life to His.
What is the perspective of discipleship in a phrase?
“I believe in you…!”
— June 2, 2021